Piter's test about Guys
by Ivan Alias
Summary: Piter decides to take a break from annoying the girls, and tries to help them. See what the results are. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, REVIEW! Updated, cause of Fanfic's fickle presentation.


I don't own nothing, so logically I must own something... but not X- Men: Evolution. This was inspired by an episode of Car Talk. The questionnaire is originally from a David Barry book, 'Guide to Guys'. I've added a new episode due to popular demand, and also because I thought Piter should do more than annoy the girls non-stop purposely. He should also annoy them unintentionally, too  
  
And so... Here we go, possibly for a while, cause I am seriously running out of ideas here people. Another episode with that infallible ladies man; Piter!  
  
&&&&&&  
  
"LANCE, YOU JERK!"  
  
Eva put down the book she was reading, and looked up at Kitty how was storming out of her room, looking extremely annoyed.  
  
"What did he do now, Kitty?"  
  
Kitty crossed her arms and frowned. "He was being a stereotypical guy, again."  
  
Eva shrugged. "Guys usually are, I'm afraid."  
  
Kitty's face lengthened. "I know."  
  
"C'mon, let's go for a walk; get your mind off of him for a while."  
  
Kitty shrugged, then got up and joined Eva as she walked down the staircase to the foyer.  
  
Eva looked at Kitty in a concerned fashion. "I do hope this wasn't serious. I mean, you haven't really fallen out with him, have you?"  
  
Kitty waved her hand. "No, he was being the short-sighted and completely unaware dude that all guys revert to when they're going out with girls."  
  
Eva sighed. "Why is it that guys can be sometimes so good-looking and yet so terminally idiotic at the same time? The alternative is a really sensitive guy who's really ugly." She sighed. "Why aren't there any good looking, sensitive guys for girls like us?"  
  
"The answer to that, my dear Eva, is surprisingly easy."  
  
Eva stopped, and breathed out her nose heavily. "Piter, what do you want?"  
  
Piter put on a hurt expression. "Why, Eva, darling, I was just here to answer your mournful question."  
  
"And what is your answer?"  
  
"There are sensitive and handsome guys that would be willing to go out with you. All you have to do is to think about who they could be. I mean, it could be somebody you know, like, say somebody who spontaneously fell out of the ceiling into you presence once..."  
  
"Piter? Go to hell."  
  
Piter looked shocked, and gasped tearfully. "Eva, my one true heartfelt desire, without your love, I am left with a fate worse then hell."  
  
"Good, I've always been a fatalist." Eva snapped.  
  
Piter laughed, and then grinned at the two girls. "Actually, I am here to correct you on a slight inaccuracy in your conversation."  
  
Kitty lifted her eyes heavenwards. "Piter, you always insist on correcting people."  
  
"Ah, but this is a correction which will help you deal with and understand guys better."  
  
"Piter, I'm not so desperate that I'm looking for you for relationship advice."  
  
Piter pulled a frown, then quickly grinned. "Eva, who among us has been chased by the opposite gender more times than can be counted?"  
  
Eva stared at Piter with a look that went beyond weariness. "Piter, we don't chase you because you are the perfect guy, we chase you in order to tear your heart out, and then give you an enema with it."  
  
Piter waved a hand distractedly. "Details, details, my lovely Eva." With a flourish, he presented the girls with a sheet of paper with some writing on it. "Thanks to my hyper-analysing abilities, I have managed to concentrate guys into three different groups, not two, and I have made a little questionnaire in order for you to test your desired date, and find out exactly where he fits in."  
  
Kitty took the offered sheet of paper. "Piter, you have way too much time on your hands."  
  
Piter shrugged. "That I may, but then again, with such little stimulating material around this institute, I have been forced to turn to myself to find something to relieve my boredom." He gave the girls a little salute. "Ta, ta..." He then ran off.  
  
"Sometimes I wonder about that guy..." Eva mused. She looked at the piece of paper in Kitty's hand. "What does it say?"  
  
Kitty stared at the paper. "Much as I hate to admit it..." She started, "Piter actually has made a fairly accurate questionnaire."  
  
Eva looked at the paper. It was indeed a questionnaire, with three questions and three possible answers for each question.  
  
You've decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows, the triumphs and the tragedies and all the adventures and opportunities the world has to offer. Come what may. How do you tell her?  
  
You... take her to a nice restaurant and you tell her after dinner  
  
You... take her for a walk on a moon-lit beach, and you say her name, and  
when she turns to you with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars  
in her eyes, then you tell her.  
  
You... tell her what?  
  
You've been seeing a woman for several years, she's attractive and intelligent and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy, you're watching a football game, she's reading the paper. When she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you she thinks she really loves you, but can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married, only whether you believe you have some kind of future together. What do you say?  
  
You say... That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but  
you don't want to rush it.  
  
You say... That, although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot  
honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting  
commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.  
  
You say... That you can't believe the Jets called a draw play on third and  
seventeen.  
  
Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small, but incredibly sophisticated, device, that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to...  
  
Present it to the President of the United States.  
  
Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.  
  
Take it apart.  
  
Congratulations, you have now finished reading Piter's guide to males, guys and chromosomally advantaged youths. I'll leave it to you to decide what the results mean.  
  
Eva looked up from the sheet of paper. "He may be accurate, but that doesn't mean he still has too much time on his hands." 


End file.
